An Undergraduate Literary Journal from UW-Milwaukee

Masturdating

Poetry by Valerie Vinyard

I take myself out on dates a lot
we go to dinner
and the movies

sometimes I buy myself flowers
and leave myself notes
and as I eat little chocolates
I tell myself to have a great day—
that I’ll see myself soon

I’m always on time
always dressed to the nines
and I order with confidence
at the restaurant I picked
where I tip like a mofo
but never flirt with the waiters

sprawled out in my seat
I don’t talk during the show
and my hands are never occupied—
never tangled
in someone else’s fingers
or lips
so I can shovel in as much popcorn
as my savage mouth desires
while watching the movie I chose—
and both of us enjoy it

I always get myself home safe
and walk myself to the door
I don’t have to be bothered for a kiss
or a drink
or smothered in a cuddle
and when I sleep
I sleep
and it doesn’t hurt
to remember you

 

Valerie Vinyard graduated from UW-Milwaukee in 2016 with a degree in Secondary English Education. She loves dogs, dancing, and tea, and believes in helping others. Also good at Nintendo and has average math skills.